she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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