conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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