Non-Jews are for practice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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