I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
