i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
