some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
