I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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