it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
