Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think my cat just said my name.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
