i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As shirtless as possible
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
