She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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