chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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