i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
