I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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