He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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