Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
