this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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