took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
