What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
