it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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