How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
