WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
