I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
