I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
