I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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