I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
