i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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