the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
