bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
