his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
