Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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