your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
