I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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