i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
