Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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