Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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