I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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