I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
