i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
