i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
