I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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