yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
