i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
