I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
