And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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