I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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