finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
