How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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