There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
