i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
