haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
