I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i have two assholes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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