this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
