I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
