i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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