If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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