i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
