who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
